husbands and wives

Well, my wife left me yesterday. Don't panic though, she's coming back. She has family about eight hours away, and she had to attend a graduation there. She should be back on thursday night.
I am amazed at how helpless I have become in only nineteen months. I stopped on the way home from work and picked up some chinese food. If I hadn't done that, I would probably have eaten potato chips for dinner, or Slim Jims, or something equally as disgusting. I used to be able to cook for myself, but now I have gotten too lazy.
I did sew a button on my shorts last night, after I looked for a needle and thread for two hours,and then spent another hour trying to thread the hateful needle[ which meant looking for the needle again, after i threw it across the room...] and then I had to look another half hour for a band-aid for my finger.
The whole episode could have been accomplished simply by uttering the phrase "Honey, there's a button missing from my shorts" had she been here, and it would have taken two and a half minutes.
I have also discovered that my lunch box doesn't pack it's self in the morning, neither does my cooler. The coffee does, incidentally, make it's self, but i think that I still have to investigate that, or it won't happen again tomorrow.
I was thirty-seven years old when we got married, she was twenty-seven. I have no idea how I got that old without her.
The real mystery, though, is why she married me in the first place. She's waaaaaayyyy smarter than me. An algebra and geometry teacher married to a toothless, balding, latterally expanding steering wheel holder. She would have been well on her way to becoming a doctor by now if she hadn't met me, but she did. And I'm glad. 'Cause I dread to think what I would be on my way to becoming if I hadn't met her.
Or maybe I'm smarter than she is because I married her, and she married me. I have no question in my mind who got the better end of that deal!
Hurry home, Baby!!
I love you!