Saturday, August 09, 2008

You Get'chyer Wife Back, You Get'chyer Dawg Back...

I just got home from Sonny's Barbeque, where I ordered too much, ate too much, paid too much, and brought too much food home.

I like Sonny's okay, although it is (in my opinion) a poor substitute for real barbeque, which can apparently only be found within a 50 mile circle of Lumberton N.C. (I am not a big fan of thick, sticky, tomato or molasses based BBQ sauces, except on ribs. Real BBQ is pulled pork, with a Vinegar based sauce. And don't try to give me that Lexington N.C. stuff either. That's just nasty...)

But once I learned to ignore the fact that it says "Barbeque" on the sign, and none is actually available there, I like the restaurant just fine.

We set the baby up in one of the institutional minimalist wooden high chairs from the restaurant, and fed him ham chunks from the salad bar, a grilled cheese sandwich, a handful or two of pulled BBQ chicken, and Nilla wafers while sad Country music played all around us.

And then something dawned on me...

I realized why eating there is not usually a happy memory for me after I leave.

It's the MUSIC!

Now I love Country music (in limited doses...), and I believe that the best songwriters in the world are writing Country music. There are some REALLY great songs out there.

But the music in Sonny's BBQ is a collection of every song you've ever heard that made you want to sit in the floor and cry!

"She fell down on the kitchen floor as the sig-nal died... And the pilot tried to pu-ull out of the dive... One... Last... Time..."

"Would'ja like som'more sweet tea, Darlin?"

"Boo-hoo-hoo, *sniff* Ah- hoo, hoo, *sniff, sniff*, I guess so..."

"An old man knealing all aloooooone... Plants his flowers in a gar-rarden of sto-one... For seven years now she's been goooone... But his devotion is sti-yill going straw-wong..."

"You wawnt som'more napkins, Honey?"

"*Sniff, sniff, snort*... Sure, thanks..."

"Daince little Jeeeeane, a prayer thatch'ya had... Was ainswered to-day, yore Mama's marryin' yore Dad!"

"Honey, them ribs are all ya can eat... Are ya ready for another slab?"

"No, thank you Ma'am... Could you either bring me an Ipod with some happy music on it, or a gun so that I can blow my brains out? Thanks..."

It's HORRIBLE.

I can't stand it. But then again, maybe my heart is too soft.

I'm sure that there are some people to whom that stuff seems to be the absolute epitome of fan-dadgum-tabulous music, just like there are some people who absolutely love sticky BBQ sauce... But BBQ and music are both very personal things.

I still wonder, though... Would I like Sonny's better if eating there didn't make me cry every time?

We may never know...

80 comments:

Mark said...

Interesting topic, since I just came home from a visit to Kansas City and Wichita. I made it a point to stop by Oklahoma Joe's BBQ in Kansas City which I consider to be the very best BBQ anywhere. My new wife, who has neverbeen anywhere near KC, agrees it is the best she ever had.

We differ on what BBQ is the best. While Carolina BBQ is very good, I prefer Kansas City style, which is tomato based.

I digress:

The only music one should listen to while eating BBQ is blues. Oklahoma Joe's plays Blues and so does BB's Lawn side BBQ in Kansas City.

Mark said...

By the way, we also stopped by Sheridan's frozen Custard in Kansas City, and Taco Tico in Wichita. I really missed Taco Tico. Much better than Taco Bell. No comparison, in fact, as far as I'm concerned.

We have frozen custard places around here, and they are very good, but none is better than Sheridans.

Mark said...

Oh, by the way, BBQ isn't meat of any kind slathered with sauce, vinegar based or tomato based. It is a method of cooking. Slow and low, over indirect heat.

I've covered this with you before, Tug.

You can BBQ beef, pork, lamb, chicken, turkey, etc. The kind of sauce you put on it doesn't make it BBQ. It doesn't have to be pork, and it doesn't have to be pulled. It can be sliced.

tugboatcapn said...

I am well aware of that...

But the fact remains that if you are in Eastern N.C., and someone says to you "Mark, will you go up to Smithfield's and get me a plate of barbeque?"... You don't need any more information than that to get him what he wants.

And if the same man asks you to do the same thing in Florida, you would have to drive to N.C. to get it for him.

What "BBQ" is is as regional as the type of music that should be playing while you eat it.

My dad had a friend that would BBQ a racoon , a deer, or a goat from time to time, but he didn't call the end product "BBQ".

If he invited you over for "BBQ", you always knew what you would be served...

Pulled pork, Vinegar sauce.

Which is completely unavailable anywhere near where I live right now.

Daffy76 said...

The second song you mentioned is one of my very favorite songs ever, but I agree with the rest. That one about the plane going down make me wretch. It's awful--why write that?

As to the BBQ thing--if you have a grill & access to a grocery store that sells vinegar, can't you just make your own? I know a couple of fellas with good recipes and I'd be glad to give you their phone numbers--although you should already have one of them.

Here's a plan for you--
1. Go to the grocery store and buy a big ol' Boston Butt, vinegar, and gallon size zip-lock freezer bags.
2. Fix you up a mess of BBQ. (There's just no other way to say that sentence.)
3. Eat you a mess of BBQ.
4. Freeze you a mess of BBQ.
5. Thaw a mess of BBQ out later to enjoy on sandwiches, etc.
6. When the BBQ in the freezer runs out, repeat from step 1.

There you go--real Eastern NC BBQ any time your heart desires.

If you follow those steps, you may even be able to introduce real BBQ to your friends and neighbors there--possibly make a few converts. Although, I can't say much, I work with a New Yorker who won't touch the stuff.

Mark said...

Daffy has the best idea. Smoke your own meat. Use a smoker, not a grill. If you can't afford a smoker (my water smoker cost about 30 dollars) arrange the charcoal briquets in your grill so that the meat is directly over your drip pan, and the coals on one side of it or the other, or at least around the drip pan.

Season your meat with a pork rub. Cook it at about 230-250 degrees 1 hour for every 1 1/2 pound of meat.

Here is the recipe for my famous "yardbird and hog" rub:

1/2 pound light brown sugar (dried)*
2 tablespoons Hungarian paprika
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon onion salt
1 tablespoon celery salt
1 tablespoon chili seasoning (I used chili powder)
1 tablespoon seasoned salt
1 tablespoon black pepper

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and blend well. Sift and blend well. Store in an airtight container in a cool dark place. Yields about 1 1/2 cups.

*To dry brown sugar, place on a sheet pan and let sit for 2 to 3 hours. Stir every hour. Sift out lumps.

Mark said...

Oh, Put water in your drip pan. It keeps the meat moist, but apple juice is better. It imparts a subtle apple flavor to the meat.

tugboatcapn said...

I have a gallon of Smithfield sauce that I bought the last time I was up there, and I do occaisionally whip up a batch here...

I would rather have had a gallon of Joe's sauce, but I didn't have time to go to Whiteville.

It's no wonder to me that everyone who leaves Bladenboro eventually goes back there, and everyone who moves there from somewhere else eventually leaves...

You either get used to things like Sun Drop, Vinegar based BBQ sauce, and Cheeseburgers with chili and slaw on them, or you don't understand it at all.

tugboatcapn said...

Incidentally, while I am typing these comments, I am eating left-over Brisket, baked beans, and a half slab of Baby Back Ribs from Sonny's, while listening to Trisha Yearwood sing from my computer.

It's great food as long as you aren't crying while you eat it...

tugboatcapn said...

"And I still... Heeeear the e-chos of those Bit-ter words we said... I could drive... a millll-ion miles and neverdrive them from my head... those words weeee saaaaaaaaid..."

Mike's America said...

There are a couple of places here that do real smoked wood BBQ but it's not the best. I've only driven through Lumberton on I-95 and had I known it was worth pulling off for BBQ I sure would have.

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