Thursday, April 26, 2007


From The Onion...

Middle East Conflict Intensifies As Blah Blah Blah, Etc. Etc.
April 26, 2007 Issue 43•17

"MIDDLE EAST—With the Iraq war in its fifth year, the war in Afghanistan in its sixth, and conflict between Israel and the rest of the region continuing unabated for more than half a century, intelligence sources are warning that a new wave of violence in the Middle East may soon blah blah blah, etc. etc., you know the rest.

"Tensions in the region are extremely high," said U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker, who added the same old same old while answering reporters' questions. "We're disappointed by the events of the last few months, but we're confident that we're about to [yakety yakety yak]."

"The U.N. has issued a strongly worded whatever denouncing someone or something presumably having to do with the vicious explosive things that raged across this, or shattered the predawn calm of that, or ripped suddenly through the other, killing umpteen innocent civilians in a Jerusalem bus or Beirut discotheque or Fallujah mosque or whatever it was this time...

"A certain number of U.S. troops were also killed somewhere in some tragic fashion, while a much greater number were wounded. Meanwhile, impoverished or oppressed supporters of whichever faction carried out the attack or ambush probably celebrated, angering an angry U.S. public that is already angry. Locals are calling for an investigation into excessive force or outright corruption by military or political officials on one of the 15 sides of the various conflicts, although the implicated party has categorically denied wrongdoing, just like they always do, without fail, every time this happens, which is daily, it seems."

Ex freakin' zactly.

I think I may just start getting all of my news about the War from The Onion from now on.

As a matter of fact, I don't even need a new story. I can just come back and read this one again any time I hear of breaking news from Iraq.

It's the same story we have been getting from the Main stream Media for years now, only not as depressing.

I have a theory...

I believe that we probably have already won the War in Iraq, but the News Media refuses to report it, and the President hasn't said so because he wants any Terrorists who might still be lurking around the World to make their way to Iraq so that we can kill them there.

I mean, it's a lot easier than hunting them down and killing them wherever they are... We just tell them where the fight is, and let them come to us.

The Democrats might even be in on the scam... As long as they publicly oppose the President and the War Effort, the Insurgents from Iran, or Saudi Arabia, or where ever they are coming from keep entertaining hope that they can defeat us, and they keep coming, and we keep killing them.

The next time you see a photograph of the President standing beneath that "Mission Accomplished" banner on the deck of that Aircraft Carrier, (and you WILL see one in the next few days...), think of my theory.

How would this situation be different if my theory were true?

How can we be sure it isn't?

No comments: