Monday, August 15, 2005

Life Is Good...

Well, I'm back!

Did'ja miss me?

Since friday afternoon, I have driven to Atlanta (from the Tampa Bay area), then to Fayetteville NC, (or close to there...) and then back to Tampa. Most of the way in a 1996 Ford Ranger pickup with a microscopic cab. I then got up this morning, worked all day, and came home and installed a shiny new water heater.

"Why would anyone do this to themselves?", you may ask...

There is a very simple explaination.

A woman, a chair, and a truck.

The story goes like this. The wife's birthday is this coming Friday. When asked what she wants for her birthday, she recites a list of possibilities, the last item of which is a recliner.

Now, if you know me personally, you know that there is no possible way that Tug can afford a recliner by Friday, and even if he could, he no longer has a pickup to haul it home in, having recently sold the one he had in order to fend off the coming economic recession. No Flippin' Way.

But then a couple of strange conversations take place.

The first of these is between my Father-in-law and I. He has an interesting situation on his hands. The father-in-law has a 1996 Ford Ranger that, because of a past economic recession, can never again be registered by anyone but him. He doesn't need it, but he can never get rid of it. "Tug, would you like to keep it at your house? I will keep license and insurance on it, and you can drive it all you want. When it falls apart, gather up the pieces, and throw them away."

Then came the conversation between my father and me.

"Tug, I just got a new chair!"
"What was wrong with the OLD chair, Dad?"
"Nothing! I just don't like the way it sits!"

The "old" chair was only a few months old, a ridiculously expensive Lay-Z-Boy plush recliner, just the right size for everyone who lives at Tugboat Palace. Beautiful!

"Whatcha want for it, Dad?"
"Oh, I dunno...about X-amount..."
(Wait a minute...I happen to have X-amount already budgeted for the wife's birthday present! AND SHE ASKED FOR A RECLINER! I love it when a plan comes together!)
"Okay, Dad, don't sell it to anyone else until I can get there."

Now, how can I get there?

Oh, I know! I'll go to Atlanta, and pick up the pickup! Piece-o-cake! So Friday after work, we loaded up into the wife's car, and headed north. Got to Atlanta about 2:30 Saturday am. Got up about 10:00 am, left the wife and her car at her father's place, and headed north again. Got to Mom-n-Dad's about 7:00 pm on Saturday. Visited with the folks, saw my sister and her kids, and my brother and his youngest daughter, and then went to bed. Got up about 8:30 Sunday am, loaded the chair, and headed south. And headed south, and headed south and headed south.

I arrived home to the lovely sound of waterfalls. Or rather water spray. Spraying somewhere inside the wall behind the bathtub.
I quickly turned off the water pump, and removed the access panel (HaHa!!) to the water heater. When I turned the water pump back on, there was a large jet of water streaming out through the side of the water tank.

So the water heater was FUBAR.

(Have any of you guys ever co-habitated with a woman in a house with no running water?)

There was nothing to do but go to bed, and go to work this morning. I thought that maybe I would deliver what was on my truck, and then high-tail it to the house to fix the plumbing problem. (HaHa!!)

When I got to work, THREE of our nine drivers had called in drunk, and one of the ones who did show up had to leave at twelve to go to the doctor to get some medicine for his hangover. So guess who had to pick up the slack?

Anyway, I managed to get away at around five PM, dashed home and began the process of dismantling the house and installing the new water heater.

After exhausting my vocabulary of profanity, and inventing a couple of new obscenities, I finally got it all together.

So now the wife is happy, has a new chair, we are both in hot water, and I have a shiny new totally free knock around Tug-Mobile.

Life is indeed good...

P.S. Don't worry, Tomorrow I will be back with more typical political Neo-Con drivel...Tonite I thought I would give you a little glimpse into the life of Tugboatcapn...


Francis Lynn said...

That happened to me once. Went down to fix the water heater & while down there, the wife had her boyfriend put her chair in the Ranger & they drove off. But, hey, I got hot water again. ;)

Anonymous said...

Actually, I did miss you. Wondered why you weren't posting while I wasn't (heehee).

That's so cool how everything worked out for you. I'm glad for you and your wife--what a lucky gal to have a hubby do all that for her! :)

tugboatcapn said...

Well, she has to put up with all my idiosyncrasies and querks, but I try to look after her.
I definately got the better end of this deal...

tugboatcapn said...

By the way, the chair isn't all she's getting for her birthday...
Next weekend, I am taking her to watch her favorite team, The Atlanta Falcons, play the Tennessee Titans at the Georgia Dome in a pre-season football game.
She is the big football fan. I tend to like motor-sports. (Drag racing, NASCAR, Monster trucks, etc...)

Erudite Redneck said...

That sounds like my kind of adventure! I'da had to start hittin' the Waffles House pretty regular about halfway through, though. :-) Welcome back, dude.

Mark said...

That is priceless. But you know what's really scary? That kind of thing happens to me EVERT DAMN DAY!

carrier said...

And here I thought you were nothing but a remote controlled right-wing whacko bent on destroying life here in these United States. I'm glad to read that you are a humanoid after all.

For the last several weeks I've been cutting firewood here on our timbered spread. I've had to tear my chainsaw apart and put it back together not once, not twice, but thrice! And thanks to some nasty spruce I've also had to sharpen the cursed thing twice. Not just a few expletives were directed at Mr. Stihl.

Thanks for reminding us that regardless of point of view, we all have our daily lives to lead.