Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sports Talk with Tugboatcapn...

Did any of you watch the World Cup Soccer Games?

Me neither.

Americans generally do not like Soccer. Some do, but most could not care less.

We won't even call it by the right name. Everywhere else in the World, Soccer is called "Football", and has been forever, but we call it "Soccer".

And I understand why Americans do not like it. It's a stupid, wimpy game. The main rule is that you don't get to use your hands. You kick the ball down the feild and try to get it into an oversized basket, while someone else tries to get in your way.

That's stupid.

Now, American Football, THERE'S a real game. In American Football, you use a ball that absolutely will not roll, you kick it, you throw it, you tuck it under your arm and run with it. You fight against the other team in order to gain territory inches at a time. The rules are complex and complicated, and differ according to what day of the week you are playing, and (judging by some of the referee's calls that I have seen over the past two years,) according to which two teams are playing.

And we choose the dumbest people among us, and force them to learn all of these complicated rules and regulations, and then we put them on the feild, and pay them Millions of Dollars to try to kill each other on Television.

I can't wait for September.

But I really did not want to focus on Football tonight.

What I am thinking about tonight is World Sports, and how the rest of the World gets caught up in sports that do not make any difference, but Americans usually dominate anyway (if one of us becomes interested in a meaningless sport from another part of the World.)

Lance Armstrong won the Tour De France seven times, and the French complained that he was taking drugs. (Which he was. He had Cancer.) He retired last year, having become bored with defeating the French, and moved on to more worthwhile pursuits, mainly raising money for Cancer research and sleeping with supermodels and rock stars.

But this year's winner of the Tour De France was also an American, so he is being accused of using drugs as well.

Landis denies doping...

(Rueters, Thursday.) By Larry Fine
(THE Larry Fine? From the Three Stooges? - TBC)

"Tour de France winner Floyd Landis denied on Thursday taking performance-enhancing drugs during the race and said he would fight to clear his name after testing positive for the male sex hormone testosterone.

"I don't know what the explanation for it is, whether it was a mistake or whether it's an occurrence from some other circumstances that go on in the race or something I did," he told reporters in a teleconference call.

"But it was not from an exogenous outside source of testosterone."

I think the problem here is obvious.

Aparently the French have no idea what the normal level of Testosterone for an average American Male is supposed to be, having only ever gathered that type of data on Frenchmen. No wonder it seems high to them.

This could explain a lot about the behavior of the French throughout History as well.

It's just a theory...

I mean, I'm not a scientist or anything...

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