Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Should They Stay Or Should They Go...

Illegal Immigrants, that is...

The feeling that I get from cruising the Blogosphere, watching TV and listening to the Radio, is that pretty much every American with an opinion thinks that they should go, but that getting rid of them is an impossible proposition.

I mean, after all, we are talking about a whopping 5% of the American Workforce. Five or ten or twelve or twenty or sixty million people, depending on which pundit you choose to believe. What would happen to the price of Tomatoes? Who would serve our food, do our laundry, vacuum our Hotel rooms, hang our Drywall and nail down our Shingles?

We HAVE to have these low-wage workers to offset the fact that we stupidly did away with Slavery in the 1800's, and then to make matters worse, we passed the Civil Rights Act during the 1960's, effectively doing away with the Domestic Underclass, and SOMEONE has to do these crappy jobs...

This is simply another problem America faces which was brought upon us by Republicans.

All that aside...

As one of the few Americans remaining who has not yet sacrificed the capacity for rational thought upon the altar of Political Correctness, I take solving the World's problems as a very serious duty.

So far, no one that I have heard speak about this issue has actually proposed a workable plan to deal with the problem of Illegal Immigration, so allow me to offer mine.

Step 1: ( How to secure the Border.)
BUILD A FENCE. Build it long, build it high, build it NOW. Put razor wire on the top, and machine gun nests every 100 yards, and a gate every 500 miles. Use undocumented workers as a cost saving measure, and make sure that the last brick is put into it from the South Side.

Patrol our side of it twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with enough National Guard Troops to make sure that each squad will be able to see the next at all times.

Make it impossible for anyone to cross our Border unnoticed.


Step 2: ( What to do about the ones who are already here.)

(This is a radical proposal...Stay with me...)


Leave them alone. There is no need whatsoever to send them home, make new laws preventing them from getting jobs here, or punish them in any way for being here illegally.

Let them live. Let them work. Let them stay.

If they return to Mexico for any reason, make them go through the proper channels to come back. If they want to bring family members to America, make them bring them through the System.

If an Illegal is arrested for any reason, from Murder to unpaid parking tickets, document them at that time. If they apply for Government Assistance of any kind, from Emergency Health Care to Welfare to WIC, make a record of them.

Start tracking down Employees whose Social Security Numbers are bogus, and identify and document them.

If they send a child to Public School, apply for a Driver's License, Marriage License, Business License or Home Ownership Loan, make a record of them.

Within a few years, we will know who is here, and where they are, for the most part.

Their children who are born here will be Citizens, whether the Parents ever become Citizens or not, and within forty or fifty years, the Illegals will die off, and be gone.

If we stem the tide of new Illegals, the System will eventually right itself and absorb the ones who are already here, without manipulation by the Government.

Step 3. (Demand Assimilation)

Declare the National Language of The United States to be English, and from that point forward, do not print any Government Document in any other language.

Segregate Non English speaking school children from the English speaking children, and teach them nothing but English Language Classes until such time as they are able to display proficiency in communicating in English, at which time they can be integrated into the student body at whichever grade level with which they can keep up.

Allow an abbreviated path to Citizenship for Undocumented School Children who perform exceptionally in school, as well as extra incentives for excellence in the form of Government Scholarships to good Colleges for those who go the extra mile, and cut all of this off if the child gets into any kind of trouble. This will reward hard work, and develope a high priority for Academic Excellence and overall good behavior among the undocumented community, and provide the best chance for children who are underpriviledged due to their family's undocumented status to take advantage of the blessings that America offers.

These are the high points of my plan. There are details to be filled in, obviously, and none of my plan (or any other plan) will work without first sealing off the Border. No one will ever be able to forge a plan to deal with an ever increasing flow of Illegals over our Border without sacrificing everything that has made America Great for all these years.

Mr. President, if you need help drawing up a workable, fair, and straightforward plan to solve this problem, give me a call.

(The NSA has my number...)

( Hat tip to Lone Ranger, one of my heros on the Blogosphere.)

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